The One-Man Hall of Fame

When I recorded the stories that made up The Forty, I wrote mostly from memory, with the benefit of perspective that comes with the passage of time. Now that I’m back in dating land with a renewed sense of intention (though perhaps lacking enthusiasm), writing about dating in real time has me feeling decidedly feisty….

Expedition Day Five: Send Reinforcements (or Alcohol)

I reinstalled Bumble, added Hinge to my repertoire, and at five days in, I’m already feeling decidedly “meh” about all of it. Coupled with an Office Space-caliber case of the Mondays and intermittent rain clouds, my malaise had me moping around on self-pity island for the better part of the day. After I sent a…

Thats Not How it Works

Not being one to sit and wallow, and since I’m pretty much in a permanent state of introspection, I decided to pull my old friend Bumble off the cloud and add a new app, Hinge, to the line-up. My first impression of Hinge is that, by and large, it’s the exact same group of men…

Caveat Emptor

Let’s step back in time to when I met The Manager. That Sunday was the last day of my girls trip before heading home to reality and colder temperatures. My flight was in the late afternoon, and The Manager was getting back into town around mid-day. We arranged to meet at a hotel near mine,…

40. The Leo

Or “How I Realized I Didn’t Know Myself As Well As I Thought” Or “How My Dating Life Turned Into a Series of Rom-Com References” Let’s start with The Leo. In case you were wondering when you’d meet the guy who’s been reading the blog as a means of figuring me out, here he is….

36. The Stoner

**note: I know I said I was done for the year, but I find myself with an excess of free time, which almost never happens. As a result, you’ll meet the rest of the matches, and the concluding posts will roll out gradually over the next week or so. Let’s talk about ancient history before…

35. The Geek

I may have a bit of a thing for intellectual guys. They go by nerds (or blerds), geeks, or gamers, but there’s something about them that calls to me through my phone screen, and the temptation to swipe right is strong. I couldn’t tell you the difference between Marvel and DC Comics, I don’t play…

34. The Drummer

Let’s talk about personal care, cleanliness, and shaving. It all relates to The Drummer, I promise. I have mixed feelings about body hair, especially as it pertains to women. To start, the cultural norms I was raised in dictated that my legs and underarms must be shaved. My experiences in young adulthood led me to…

33. The Hermit

Things I liked about The Hermit: His proximity (only a few miles from me) His availability (he was always available) His passivity (he wasn’t pushy and didn’t ask anything of me) His coffee addiction (my favorite activity was his, too) His sensuality (I enjoy being enjoyed) Things about The Hermit that were challenging: His proximity…made…

31. & 32. A Few Happy Endings

  Every so often, I encounter someone who is perfectly lovely. We meet, we enjoy our time together, we go out once, twice, maybe more. And then, for reasons that aren’t ever particularly clear or upsetting, we drift apart. Here are two such stories. 31. The Driver I can’t remember what app we met on,…

16. – 18. Hindsight

Short recollections of choices I wish I hadn’t made: 16. The Therapist, who knew my last name and address, who agreed to take my picture then became indignant when I wouldn’t send it to him, who joked that he would come over and take advantage of me, whose eyes betrayed the truth that he was…

Left Swipe: A Foolproof Methodology to Ensure Rejection

Let’s pause from the stories of matches that were and spend a few minutes in honor of those that were never meant to be. For those who don’t know, dating apps are primarily visual — 6 or so pictures with a short bio. If you like someone, you swipe right, and if you aren’t interested,…

2. The Omen

Remember at the end of “The Opener” when I deleted the dating app? Yeah, well that only lasted a few weeks before boredom and forgetting set in and I reinstalled it. My next match, The Omen, showed up within my distance-based search radius because he was in town for the day for work. He lived…