…What She’s Having

I find myself thinking a lot lately about When Harry Met Sally — or rather, about the film’s central question: can men and women be friends without sex getting in the way? I’ve made several friends over the past year or so, most notably The Confidante and The Voyeur (my many years of French classes…

A Different Kind of Ghosting

The ghosts of matches past keep appearing. Fortunately not in my bedroom at midnight, but still. In the past two weeks, I’ve heard from The Scientist, The Hermit, The Leaguer, and The Cop. Full disclosure: The Hermit and I have been exploring the landscape of a text-only friendship for the past five weeks, and it’s…

Quit This.

I want to push boundaries. Mostly my own, But yours, too. A child with a lens Tilted just so in the sun, I’ll watch as you squirm, Trying to evade My beam of intrusion. I want to demolish walls. Mostly my own, But yours, too. Hands on the controls, Mad gleam in my eye, As…

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Time for an update. I know things have been a bit glum here lately, but life is generally a grab bag of exultant and heart-wrenching, and my life is no exception, so here goes… I’ve seen The Leo twice recently. While I’ve been working through the fallout from my complicated feelings toward The Voyeur, I’ve…

Happily Narrowing the Field

Want to know what bothers me about this meme (aside from the misplaced modifier)? It implies that because we’ve been hurt or rejected by previous partners, we are now damaged goods. To think of oneself as “goods” at all is a bit problematic, but to assume the label of “damaged” strikes a nerve with me….

Coffee’s On Me

9am Monday morning, I’m at work when my phone buzzes. It’s a text notification that I’ve just received $5 from The Stoner. I do a double take, then mutter “what the hell?” under my breath. I wait for a message from him, explaining the money but none comes. So I text him, “feeling generous?” He…

Limbo

Or “Making Peace With Absolute Uncertainty” It’s been a few days since my blog took an uncharacteristically dramatic turn in real-time. I’ve never shied away from the ugly truth here, and I won’t start now, so let me just admit that I’ve been a bit of a wreck. This stems in part from the mental…

40. The Leo

Or “How I Realized I Didn’t Know Myself As Well As I Thought” Or “How My Dating Life Turned Into a Series of Rom-Com References” Let’s start with The Leo. In case you were wondering when you’d meet the guy who’s been reading the blog as a means of figuring me out, here he is….

38. – 39. Senior Superlatives, Part 2

I wrote the first installment of Senior Superlatives a few months back, and as I grope around the bottom of the barrel of matches (Bernard Malamud reference? Check.) to wrap up my first venture into the world of blogging, I’m coming up with the equivalent of one-liners. Neither of these guys deserves his own post,…

37. The Teacher

Right around my dating anniversary, I quit using Tinder, overhauled my Bumble profile, and decided to spring for a one-month subscription. The main benefit of the subscription is that it allows me to browse through a list of men who had already swiped right on me. If I was interested, my right swipe sealed the…

36. The Stoner

**note: I know I said I was done for the year, but I find myself with an excess of free time, which almost never happens. As a result, you’ll meet the rest of the matches, and the concluding posts will roll out gradually over the next week or so. Let’s talk about ancient history before…

Rejection Reflection

Sometimes The Voyeur gives me a hard time for being an optimist, for believing that people can change, for putting my heart out there in the hopes that I’ll find someone in the dumpster fire that is modern dating. But I secretly believe that he wishes he were less cynical, more like me. I mean,…

34. The Drummer

Let’s talk about personal care, cleanliness, and shaving. It all relates to The Drummer, I promise. I have mixed feelings about body hair, especially as it pertains to women. To start, the cultural norms I was raised in dictated that my legs and underarms must be shaved. My young adulthood led me to believe that…

33. The Hermit

Things I liked about The Hermit: His proximity (only a few miles from me) His availability (he was always available) His passivity (he wasn’t pushy and didn’t ask anything of me) His coffee addiction (my favorite activity was his, too) His sensuality (I enjoy being enjoyed) Things about The Hermit that were challenging: His proximity…made…

28. The Scientist

In the process of writing this blog, I forced myself to name all the names, to consider everyone I went out with, to spend some time assessing what went down. Some stories are dramatic, some are funny, others are painful, and still others are…mysterious. I looked over my list of “blog entries to write,” and…

27. The Cop

I guess technically, I haven’t ended things with The Cop. He texts me about once a month and we exchange flirty pleasantries. There’s always talk of “next time I see you,” but it’s been a few months, and I’m not sure that there will be a next time. One consideration about dating The Cop was…

Intermission

I know that I’m more than halfway to forty, but I felt a break was in order. “Forty matches to finding myself” implies a level of self-reflection that I feel has been lacking in the last few posts. After about 7 months of relentlessly dating, matching, and messaging, I took a step back and asked…

22. – 26. The Wide World of Kink

The scope of my sexual experience leading up to The Year of Living Promiscuously was, as previously mentioned, limited. My ex-husband, like most men, watched porn, and sexual trends would occasionally enter our repertoire without my fully understanding how or why. Also, he was a cheater, so there’s really no knowing what influence his dalliances…

19. The Manager

The Manager was one of three vacation matches (see here and here) from the weekend I went on that girls trip. He wasn’t in town when we matched — he was celebrating a buddy’s birthday, on a boat somewhere off the coast. Because that’s the kind of thing that men who you hook up with…

16. – 18. Hindsight

Short recollections of choices I wish I hadn’t made: 16. The Therapist, who knew my last name and address, who agreed to take my picture then became indignant when I wouldn’t send it to him, who joked that he would come over and take advantage of me, whose eyes betrayed the truth that he was…