The One-Man Hall of Fame

When I recorded the stories that made up The Forty, I wrote mostly from memory, with the benefit of perspective that comes with the passage of time. Now that I’m back in dating land with a renewed sense of intention (though perhaps lacking enthusiasm), writing about dating in real time has me feeling decidedly feisty….

Thats Not How it Works

Not being one to sit and wallow, and since I’m pretty much in a permanent state of introspection, I decided to pull my old friend Bumble off the cloud and add a new app, Hinge, to the line-up. My first impression of Hinge is that, by and large, it’s the exact same group of men…

A Different Kind of Ghosting

The ghosts of matches past keep appearing. Fortunately not in my bedroom at midnight, but still. In the past two weeks, I’ve heard from The Scientist, The Hermit, The Leaguer, and The Cop. Full disclosure: The Hermit and I have been exploring the landscape of a text-only friendship for the past five weeks, and it’s…

40. The Leo

Or “How I Realized I Didn’t Know Myself As Well As I Thought” Or “How My Dating Life Turned Into a Series of Rom-Com References” Let’s start with The Leo. In case you were wondering when you’d meet the guy who’s been reading the blog as a means of figuring me out, here he is….

38. – 39. Senior Superlatives, Part 2

I wrote the first installment of Senior Superlatives a few months back, and as I grope around the bottom of the barrel of matches (Bernard Malamud reference? Check.) to wrap up my first venture into the world of blogging, I’m coming up with the equivalent of one-liners. Neither of these guys deserves his own post,…

37. The Teacher

Right around my dating anniversary, I quit using Tinder, overhauled my Bumble profile, and decided to spring for a one-month subscription. The main benefit of the subscription is that it allows me to browse through a list of men who had already swiped right on me. If I was interested, my right swipe sealed the…

35. The Geek

I may have a bit of a thing for intellectual guys. They go by nerds (or blerds), geeks, or gamers, but there’s something about them that calls to me through my phone screen, and the temptation to swipe right is strong. I couldn’t tell you the difference between Marvel and DC Comics, I don’t play…

Rejection Reflection

Sometimes The Voyeur gives me a hard time for being an optimist, for believing that people can change, for putting my heart out there in the hopes that I’ll find someone in the dumpster fire that is modern dating. But I secretly believe that he wishes he were less cynical, more like me. I mean,…

34. The Drummer

Let’s talk about personal care, cleanliness, and shaving. It all relates to The Drummer, I promise. I have mixed feelings about body hair, especially as it pertains to women. To start, the cultural norms I was raised in dictated that my legs and underarms must be shaved. My experiences in young adulthood led me to…

33. The Hermit

Things I liked about The Hermit: His proximity (only a few miles from me) His availability (he was always available) His passivity (he wasn’t pushy and didn’t ask anything of me) His coffee addiction (my favorite activity was his, too) His sensuality (I enjoy being enjoyed) Things about The Hermit that were challenging: His proximity…made…

31. & 32. A Few Happy Endings

  Every so often, I encounter someone who is perfectly lovely. We meet, we enjoy our time together, we go out once, twice, maybe more. And then, for reasons that aren’t ever particularly clear or upsetting, we drift apart. Here are two such stories. 31. The Driver I can’t remember what app we met on,…

29. & 30. A “Short” Lesson on International Studies

Is it fair to lump people together just because they don’t fit a white/black binary? How about if they both have small penises? In either case, it’s probably not fair, but for the purpose of some unifying characteristic to combine two fairly brief blog posts, I’m going to do it. Call it racism, or size-ism…

28. The Scientist

In the process of writing this blog, I forced myself to name all the names, to consider everyone I went out with, to spend some time assessing what went down. Some stories are dramatic, some are funny, others are painful, and still others are…mysterious. I looked over my list of “blog entries to write,” and…

27. The Cop

I guess technically, I haven’t ended things with The Cop. He texts me about once a month and we exchange flirty pleasantries. There’s always talk of “next time I see you,” but it’s been a few months, and I’m not sure that there will be a next time. One consideration about dating The Cop was…

Intermission

I know that I’m more than halfway to forty, but I felt a break was in order. “Forty matches to finding myself” implies a level of self-reflection that I feel has been lacking in the last few posts. After about 7 months of relentlessly dating, matching, and messaging, I took a step back and asked…

22. – 26. The Wide World of Kink

The scope of my sexual experience leading up to The Year of Living Promiscuously was pretty limited. Needless to say, my understanding of kink was also narrow, but I was curious — fascinated, even. I adopted an attitude of “I’ll try anything (within reason) once,” and it has led me to some interesting encounters and…

20. – 21. The Couple

Somewhere in between meeting and losing The Manager, I matched with a couple. Occasionally on dating apps, you’ll encounter pictures with two people in them, usually a male-female couple looking for “a third,” almost always female. In this case, the Guy managed the profile, and the Girl took it from there. As soon as we…

19. The Manager

The Manager was one of three vacation matches (see here and here) from the weekend I went on that girls trip. He wasn’t in town when we matched — he was celebrating a buddy’s birthday, on a boat somewhere off the coast. Because that’s the kind of thing that men who you hook up with…

15. The Writer

This match was not a writer. He was one of those people who would tell anyone who listens long enough that he would make a great writer because he has so many great ideas. Our date eventually brought us there, to that moment of sharing, but first… Notes on The Writer: His dating profile was…

Left Swipe: A Foolproof Methodology to Ensure Rejection

Let’s pause from the stories of matches that were and spend a few minutes in honor of those that were never meant to be. For those who don’t know, dating apps are primarily visual — 6 or so pictures with a short bio. If you like someone, you swipe right, and if you aren’t interested,…