41. The Match

For the past year and a half, I’ve been grappling with recognizing and embracing my self-worth as it pertains to dating. I’ve posted several times (don’t believe me? read here or here, or here, or even here) about my belief in my own undateability, and you’ve perhaps read along as my doubts played out in…

Wait…What?

About a week and a half ago, I broke up with The Leo. And yesterday, we got back together. Let me explain. TLDR for those who don’t feel like reading the original post: The Leo called me and made it clear that he didn’t want to be “in a relationship.” Nor did he want to…

Footnotes, Part 2

You may remember back in September when I wrote about being assaulted in a nightclub. I kept the account pretty brief because I wanted to focus on The Knight, but now that I’ve wrapped up the forty, it’s probably time to unpack what happened. I was bored one Wednesday night, and my kids were with…

Footnotes, Part 1

There were a few things I mentioned briefly during The Year, things that I promised to revisit at a later time. Well, that time has come. Without further ado, I want to tell the story of how The Predator got his name. The short story is that I didn’t give him this alias. On the…

40. The Leo

Or “How I Realized I Didn’t Know Myself As Well As I Thought” Or “How My Dating Life Turned Into a Series of Rom-Com References” Let’s start with The Leo. In case you were wondering when you’d meet the guy who’s been reading the blog as a means of figuring me out, here he is….

38. – 39. Senior Superlatives, Part 2

I wrote the first installment of Senior Superlatives a few months back, and as I grope around the bottom of the barrel of matches (Bernard Malamud reference? Check.) to wrap up my first venture into the world of blogging, I’m coming up with the equivalent of one-liners. Neither of these guys deserves his own post,…

37. The Teacher

Right around my dating anniversary, I quit using Tinder, overhauled my Bumble profile, and decided to spring for a one-month subscription. The main benefit of the subscription is that it allows me to browse through a list of men who had already swiped right on me. If I was interested, my right swipe sealed the…

36. The Stoner

**note: I know I said I was done for the year, but I find myself with an excess of free time, which almost never happens. As a result, you’ll meet the rest of the matches, and the concluding posts will roll out gradually over the next week or so. Let’s talk about ancient history before…

35. The Geek

I may have a bit of a thing for intellectual guys. They go by nerds (or blerds), geeks, or gamers, but there’s something about them that calls to me through my phone screen, and the temptation to swipe right is strong. I couldn’t tell you the difference between Marvel and DC Comics, I don’t play…

34. The Drummer

Let’s talk about personal care, cleanliness, and shaving. It all relates to The Drummer, I promise. I have mixed feelings about body hair, especially as it pertains to women. To start, the cultural norms I was raised in dictated that my legs and underarms must be shaved. My young adulthood led me to believe that…

33. The Hermit

Things I liked about The Hermit: His proximity (only a few miles from me) His availability (he was always available) His passivity (he wasn’t pushy and didn’t ask anything of me) His coffee addiction (my favorite activity was his, too) His sensuality (I enjoy being enjoyed) Things about The Hermit that were challenging: His proximity…made…

31. & 32. A Few Happy Endings

  Every so often, I encounter someone who is perfectly lovely. We meet, we enjoy our time together, we go out once, twice, maybe more. And then, for reasons that aren’t ever particularly clear or upsetting, we drift apart. Here are two such stories. 31. The Driver I can’t remember what app we met on,…

29. & 30. A “Short” Lesson on International Studies

Is it fair to lump people together just because they don’t fit a white/black binary? How about if they both have small penises? In either case, it’s probably not fair, but for the purpose of some unifying characteristic to combine two fairly brief blog posts, I’m going to do it. Call it racism, or size-ism…

28. The Scientist

In the process of writing this blog, I forced myself to name all the names, to consider everyone I went out with, to spend some time assessing what went down. Some stories are dramatic, some are funny, others are painful, and still others are…mysterious. I looked over my list of “blog entries to write,” and…

27. The Cop

I guess technically, I haven’t ended things with The Cop. He texts me about once a month and we exchange flirty pleasantries. There’s always talk of “next time I see you,” but it’s been a few months, and I’m not sure that there will be a next time. I know he’s more than his profession,…

22. – 26. The Wide World of Kink

The scope of my sexual experience leading up to The Year of Living Promiscuously was, as previously mentioned, limited. My ex-husband, like most men, watched porn, and sexual trends would occasionally enter our repertoire without my fully understanding how or why. Also, he was a cheater, so there’s really no knowing what influence his dalliances…

20. – 21. The Couple

Somewhere in between meeting and losing The Manager, I matched with a couple. Occasionally on dating apps, you’ll encounter pictures with two people in them, usually a male-female couple looking for “a third,” almost always female. In this case, the Guy managed the profile, and the Girl took it from there. As soon as we…

19. The Manager

The Manager was one of three vacation matches (see here and here) from the weekend I went on that girls trip. He wasn’t in town when we matched — he was celebrating a buddy’s birthday, on a boat somewhere off the coast. Because that’s the kind of thing that men who you hook up with…

16. – 18. Hindsight

Short recollections of choices I wish I hadn’t made: 16. The Therapist, who knew my last name and address, who agreed to take my picture then became indignant when I wouldn’t send it to him, who joked that he would come over and take advantage of me, whose eyes betrayed the truth that he was…

15. The Writer

This match was not a writer. He was one of those people who would tell anyone who listens long enough that he would make a great writer because he has so many great ideas. Our date eventually brought us there, to that moment of sharing, but first… Notes on The Writer: His dating profile was…