An Accelerated Case of Self-Discovery

In the past month, I have abandoned at least a half dozen mostly-finished posts now relegated to draft status in perpetuity. The problem is that I keep having these significant mental/emotional revelations, but by the time I start to process one, another comes rolling along. So I’ve opted to condense all of my shit into…

Amazon, Diabetes, and Ennui: A Hodgepodge of Thoughts

Thoughts on a variety of things… On the recommendation of fellow blogger Joanna, I recently started watching Fleabag on Amazon. Oh my word, y’all. I don’t watch much tv, and it really takes something special to suck me in. Consider me fully engrossed. When it came to Fleabag’s encounters with men, her rationalizations for her…

Old Habits, New Faces

The theme in my life lately has been something along the lines of: don’t make excuses for not doing what you dream of doing — tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Strangely, this same message was playing out for The Leo and factored heavily into his decision to break up with me. Yep, you read that right. He…

Cliffhanger

I haven’t really wanted to write this post because I know it will push me to directly confront some realities I’ve been dancing with for a moment here and there before moving onto something less gloomy. The problem is that cracks are forming in my relationship with The Leo, and they’re causing me to re-examine…

Still Kicking

Let me just say that I’ve missed writing — and by extension, my writing community here. I did manage to get some reading done, though, which is noteworthy because I’ve been in a dry spell for the past six months. I’m reading (listening to, actually, because my life is ridiculous) The Brief Wondrous Life of…

Awkward in the Aisles

A few days ago, I passed The Hermit on a winding two-lane road that I travel several times each day. He drives a big red truck, old but well cared for, and he’s hard to miss. He’d been on my mind lately, as my recent move had edged me just westward enough to require a…

Three Things I Always Assume

I’ve read that making assumptions is an unhealthy habit, but I’ve also read that I shouldn’t believe everything I read. So in the spirit of ignoring conventional wisdom, here are three assumptions I make in just about any social or professional situation I find myself. 1. Everyone likes me. Ok. I know that this one…

A Scene From The Office

I’m wearing a bright scarf today, Looped twice, draped loosely, Too bright maybe. Orange and purple, pink and blue, But mostly orange. With coral lips and a hint of doubt. “Is it too much — all this color?” I ask. “Definitely not,” they assure me, These older women, Whose staunch philosophies Involve never leaving the…

The Bliss of Ignorance

I prefer when circumstances align that allow me to be either a written processor or a verbal processor. When I’m struggling with something, I come here and write about it, or I call one of the people in my inner circle, or I do some combination of the two, ultimately arriving at some level of…

Silent Rhythms

If I am a river, You are a tributary, Mingling your waters with mine, Flowing into, amongst, then away, To become a cloud Whose shape reminds me of you. If I am a path, You are a crossroad, Forcing unforeseen choices, Intersecting my progress with pleasure, The geometry of us, Diverging points on a compass…

Can People Change?

If you’ve ever mulled over the question of whether people can change in any significant way, you’ve likely landed somewhere on the yes-no spectrum based on what you’ve experienced in your life and relationships. The unique blend of your personal history will inform your conclusion. I’ve always felt that people are capable of change but…

…What She’s Having

I find myself thinking a lot lately about When Harry Met Sally — or rather, about the film’s central question: can men and women be friends without sex getting in the way? I’ve made several friends over the past year or so, most notably The Confidante and The Voyeur (my many years of French classes…

The Paradox of Pragmatism

Last night, I re-read Jack London’s short story “To Build a Fire,” which seemed an appropriate choice based on last week’s polar vortex. In the story, the narrator quickly identifies the solitary human character’s primary flaw: he lacks imagination. To this man, the extreme cold is an observable fact, a stimuli that requires a response…

The Waiting is The Hardest Part

Without a doubt, my worst quality is my impatience. Not when it comes to lines or restaurants or events, necessarily, but primarily with other people. When I reach a place of realization or decision-making, I get fidgety when others don’t match my pace. My impatience manifests as my attempting to push or pull people along…

Three Lions, One Arrow

You know how when you learn a new word, and you suddenly hear and see it all the time? In reality, the word was always there, but it was your awareness that changed. Astrological signs worked kind of like that for me. I’ve never thought much about them until this past year. As I began using dating…

Happily Narrowing the Field

Want to know what bothers me about this meme (aside from the misplaced modifier)? It implies that because we’ve been hurt or rejected by previous partners, we are now damaged goods. To think of oneself as “goods” at all is a bit problematic, but to assume the label of “damaged” strikes a nerve with me….

Footnotes, Part 2

You may remember back in September when I wrote about being assaulted in a nightclub. I kept the account pretty brief because I wanted to focus on The Knight, but now that I’ve wrapped up the forty, it’s probably time to unpack what happened. I was bored one Wednesday night, and my kids were with…

Haunted by the Ghosts of Words

“Speech Delay” The words we don’t say Haunt the words we do say With their ghosts. The words we don’t say, can’t say, Mouths poised to speak Form only silent screams. _______________________ It appears this has become one of those blogs in which my poetry may now make an occasional appearance. But I’m not sorry….

Limbo

Or “Making Peace With Absolute Uncertainty” It’s been a few days since my blog took an uncharacteristically dramatic turn in real-time. I’ve never shied away from the ugly truth here, and I won’t start now, so let me just admit that I’ve been a bit of a wreck. This stems in part from the mental…

Rejection Reflection

Sometimes The Voyeur gives me a hard time for being an optimist, for believing that people can change, for putting my heart out there in the hopes that I’ll find someone in the dumpster fire that is modern dating. But I secretly believe that he wishes he were less cynical, more like me. I mean,…