In my 30-something years of living, I’ve spent a lot of mental and emotional energy fretting over what people thought of me. I imagine that I’m in pretty good company, and I’m guessing that you can relate to the pointless, thankless expenditure of wasted energy that’s required to manage others’ perspectives. Hopefully you figured out exactly how pointless and thankless much more quickly than I did, but I eventually made it to the place where I realize that despite my best efforts, you’re going to love me or hate me or judge me, or some combination of the three. To be painfully honest, a not-so-distant version of me would have been rooting really hard for you to pick love.
So what changed?
Well, not too long ago, I took a life design course through my job, and over several months, I worked to distill my self-discovery process down to two words that characterize my life’s primary calling, the thing that really gets me up and motivates me every morning. As it turns out, my two words are “Enabling Authenticity.” Oof. Don’t think I missed the irony that I was making the daily choice to hold my authentic self in a stranglehold. I lived a curated existence that, upon close examination, wouldn’t enable anyone else to feel they could be authentic.
This blog? It’s my white flag. “I give up. This is me. It’s messy and unflattering and vulnerable, but I’m gonna hang here in the mess and see who else needs to know that they’re not alone.”
When I started blogging in late 2018, I didn’t think I’d stick with it, much less share it with anyone I knew in real life. All I knew for sure is that there was a steep learning curve to what I was doing (entering the dating scene as a divorced mom of four with zero dating experience), and I needed a place to unravel the complex knot of thoughts and feelings I was grappling with. Writing was the one thing I knew could help me cull order from chaos, so I wrote. And this is what I ended up with. It’s an authentic self-portrait, as much as such a thing is possible. At the very least, it’s a raw look at someone who learned a whole damn lot on her journey to find love.
Thanks for reading,
P.S. You can browse around , or if you like things to be orderly, you can start at….