Thats Not How it Works

Not being one to sit and wallow, and since I’m pretty much in a permanent state of introspection, I decided to pull my old friend Bumble off the cloud and add a new app, Hinge, to the line-up. My first impression of Hinge is that, by and large, it’s the exact same group of men who are on Bumble. But I do like the no-swipe methodology, so I’ll probably keep it around for a bit longer.

One thing that never fails to amuse me on dating apps is a particular combination of descriptors. Here’s a good example:

This guy is 38. He wants kids someday. His search parameters include women as old as me (and perhaps older). And he’s agnostic.

All I think when I see that is, “Honey, you might want to start believing in a God because that’s just not how biology works.”

Other observations upon re-entering dating land:

  • The beard trend is great, really. I love beards, but there’s a point at which beards go from sexy to creepy, and I fear that many men are not aware of where that point is and how to pull back when they’re getting too close.
  • Emojis are useful and funny when employed properly. But if you use more than one or two in your profile, I start to question your judgment.
  • When the choices of what you’re looking for are limited to: something casual, a relationship, don’t know yet, or marriage, and you pick “don’t know yet,” it tells me all I need to know to swipe left with confidence.

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