Quit This.

I want to push boundaries. Mostly my own, But yours, too. A child with a lens Tilted just so in the sun, I’ll watch as you squirm, Trying to evade My beam of intrusion. I want to demolish walls. Mostly my own, But yours, too. Hands on the controls, Mad gleam in my eye, As…

The Waiting is The Hardest Part

Without a doubt, my worst quality is my impatience. Not when it comes to lines or restaurants or events, necessarily, but primarily with other people. When I reach a place of realization or decision-making, I get fidgety when others don’t match my pace. My impatience manifests as my attempting to push or pull people along…

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Time for an update. I know things have been a bit glum here lately, but life is generally a grab bag of exultant and heart-wrenching, and my life is no exception, so here goes… I’ve seen The Leo twice recently. While I’ve been working through the fallout from my complicated feelings toward The Voyeur, I’ve…

Early Mourning Thoughts

Things have been challenging between The Voyeur and me for the past three weeks. First, the declaration of love (mine) delivered via blog, next the distress and confusion (his), then the relative calm and distinct awkwardness that resulted from our failure to reach a resolution. In my impatience to find the elusive tidy solution that…

Three Lions, One Arrow

You know how when you learn a new word, and you suddenly hear and see it all the time? In reality, the word was always there, but it was your awareness that changed. Astrological signs worked kind of like that for me. I’ve never thought much about them until this past year. As I began using dating…

Happily Narrowing the Field

Want to know what bothers me about this meme (aside from the misplaced modifier)? It implies that because we’ve been hurt or rejected by previous partners, we are now damaged goods. To think of oneself as “goods” at all is a bit problematic, but to assume the label of “damaged” strikes a nerve with me….

Get Comfortable With Uncomfortable

My anger isn’t anger. It’s love, Marinated in disappointment, Wrapped in upset, and Drizzled with exasperation. My sadness isn’t sadness. It’s love, Steeped in anxiety, Blended with fear, and Garnished with hurt. My sad-angry-love isn’t peaceful, A tangled heap of conflict I hold with open palms. Breathe in, breathe out. Get comfortable With uncomfortable.  

Coffee’s On Me

9am Monday morning, I’m at work when my phone buzzes. It’s a text notification that I’ve just received $5 from The Stoner. I do a double take, then mutter “what the hell?” under my breath. I wait for a message from him, explaining the money but none comes. So I text him, “feeling generous?” He…

Footnotes, Part 2

You may remember back in September when I wrote about being assaulted in a nightclub. I kept the account pretty brief because I wanted to focus on The Knight, but now that I’ve wrapped up the forty, it’s probably time to unpack what happened. I was bored one Wednesday night, and my kids were with…

My Past Isn’t a Script for My Future

As I look back over the past few weeks, it appears as though my head and heart decided to ring in the new year by declaring a vicious war against one another. This degree of unprecedented inner turmoil has left me out of sorts, at a loss to explain myself. And then I wondered, “Could…

Haunted by the Ghosts of Words

“Speech Delay” The words we don’t say Haunt the words we do say With their ghosts. The words we don’t say, can’t say, Mouths poised to speak Form only silent screams. _______________________ It appears this has become one of those blogs in which my poetry may now make an occasional appearance. But I’m not sorry….

Entering Unknown Territory

I’m not great at follow through, never have been. So when I started this blog, I thought it best to assign clear boundaries from the get-go. One year or forty matches, whichever came first. I didn’t really expect to finish it. Didn’t expect to love writing as much as I have. Didn’t expect to feel…

Footnotes, Part 1

There were a few things I mentioned briefly during The Year, things that I promised to revisit at a later time. Well, that time has come. Without further ado, I want to tell the story of how The Predator got his name. The short story is that I didn’t give him this alias. On the…

Limbo

Or “Making Peace With Absolute Uncertainty” It’s been a few days since my blog took an uncharacteristically dramatic turn in real-time. I’ve never shied away from the ugly truth here, and I won’t start now, so let me just admit that I’ve been a bit of a wreck. This stems in part from the mental…

Aftermath

What did I think would happen? I used romantic comedy references to explain how I was feeling, but I certainly didn’t expect a romantic comedy resolution (which, by the way, would have looked something like The Voyeur showing up at my doorstep, offering a short, dramatic monologue before telling me he loved me too, a…

40. The Leo

Or “How I Realized I Didn’t Know Myself As Well As I Thought” Or “How My Dating Life Turned Into a Series of Rom-Com References” Let’s start with The Leo. In case you were wondering when you’d meet the guy who’s been reading the blog as a means of figuring me out, here he is….

38. – 39. Senior Superlatives, Part 2

I wrote the first installment of Senior Superlatives a few months back, and as I grope around the bottom of the barrel of matches (Bernard Malamud reference? Check.) to wrap up my first venture into the world of blogging, I’m coming up with the equivalent of one-liners. Neither of these guys deserves his own post,…