Somewhere in between meeting and losing The Manager, I matched with a couple. Occasionally on dating apps, you’ll encounter pictures with two people in them, usually a male-female couple looking for “a third,” almost always female. In this case, the Guy managed the profile, and the Girl took it from there. As soon as we matched, Guy put me in touch with his girlfriend to get acquainted via text. She asked me a few questions about my level of experience with threesomes (none), my attraction level to each of them (high), and my experience with other women (none). My answers seemed to please her, and that appeared to be all we needed in order to meet for drinks, which I presumed was sort of like a job interview or screening process.
I was more anxious than I typically am for a first date, likely because I’d need to impress two people rather than just one. We enjoyed pleasant conversation for about 45 minutes before they paid the check and stood up to leave. I was curious…did I pass? We all walked out to the parking lot together. Girl looked at me and said, “So do you just want to follow us home in your car?” I smiled and nodded, feeling relieved that I had, indeed, passed.
Once we got to their place, uncertainty struck. I had no idea how this was going to go down. We ended up chatting in the kitchen while they got tipsy, eventually moving into their bedroom and sitting on their bed to listen to music. So now I knew…that’s how this was going to go down. The Couple was intimidatingly beautiful, and I was way out of my element. I went uncharacteristically quiet, watching and listening as clothes were shed and bare skin moved against bare skin. It became quickly apparent that Girl calling the shots wasn’t limited to the selection of a third. She was the boss. Guy kept her apprised of anything happening that she couldn’t see, of what he was feeling, of what my hands were doing when they weren’t on her. They went back and forth about what they wanted to try next with me. I would occasionally speak, but I was fairly focused on balancing the fine line between enjoying myself and unwittingly crossing any invisible boundaries.
After we finished, we sat naked on their expansive bed and talked, just like we had earlier in the kitchen and at the restaurant, though now the anticipation had dissipated and our energy was mellow. It was surreal. And nice.
Upon reflection, I look at the experience as a positive one, enjoyable, a learning opportunity, a check on my sexual bucket list. With the few friends I’ve told about this, the question always comes: “Would you do it again?”
And the answer: I would, but I don’t think I would want to be a third again. That is, I’d want to be the Girl, to be the boss, to direct the action. The Couple’s communication and power dynamic worked for them, and I respect that, but this encounter showed me that submissiveness isn’t my natural bent, that it leaves me feeling a little dissatisfied, regardless of how much enjoyment was had.
I’ve since seen other couples on dating apps, though none as stunning as The Couple, and I do pause briefly and consider them before remembering that maintaining my voice and autonomy are critical components of my happiness. I am not merely a prop. I am more than just a third.