5. The Comedian

charlie-chaplin-2754059_1920Or “How to Go From a Great First Date to Calling in Back-up to Retrieve Your Shit, in Less Than Three Months”

  1. Meet for brunch and spend two hours getting tipsy on bottomless mimosas and laughing until you’re nearly in tears.
  2. Go bowling, laugh some more, drink at a mall then window shop.
  3. Go on a third date, throw in some quality make-out time, laugh.
  4. Plan a sleepover. Have fun.
  5. Enjoy weekly dates until…
  6. You realize that all the jokes are at the expense of someone else. You notice that you always make the first move. You watch as he slowly descends into depression.
  7. Decide it’s best to move this to the friend zone, but when the time comes to have that talk, you are greeted by a completely different person, a vibrant, romantic person, sort of like the guy from the first date. You table the friend zone talk.
  8. Repeat steps 4 -6, ignoring the gut feeling that something isn’t right until…
  9. You gently let him know that you’ve noticed a change in him, that it’s ok to reach out for help, that you’re not judging, just concerned.
  10. Watch as the harshness reserved for strangers is turned against you. Who do you think you are?
  11. Realize with a sinking feeling that a bridge has been burned, but your favorite earrings and necklace are on his dresser.
  12. Attempt to negotiate a pick-up, a drop-off, a mailing. Face periods of silence and clipped messages. Finally settle on stopping by his place. Then you remember the gun. And his erratic behavior. And you become fearful.
  13. Call in a friend who will go with you to protect you from the man who had only days before begged you to be his girl, to never leave. From the man who had made you laugh so hard on that first date.

3 Comments Add yours

    1. fortymatches says:

      Thank you, precious first commenter on my first-ever blog. We should totally go out.

      Liked by 1 person

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