10. – 12. Senior Superlatives, Part 1

Most Neurotic 10. The Texter The Texter: Thanks for meeting me for coffee. Unfortunately I can’t stay long. I just found out my friend is in town for tonight only, and he wants to hang out. Me: Oh, no problem. Let’s just get to know each other for a bit, and we can both be…

9. The Confidante: An Origin Story

One of my favorite things to have come out of The Year of Living Promiscuously is my relationship with The Confidante. He was one of my first matches. In fact, I met him on the same day that I had my first coffee with The Runner. He planned an ambitious first date: dinner, bowling, improv…

6. – 8. Tales of International Failure

Three vignettes about men who didn’t make it all the way around the bases. 6. The Musician In hindsight, I feel bad about this one. Start to finish, I wasn’t that into him, and I’m ashamed to admit that I used him for dinner, kissed him chastely, then sent him on his way, visibly frustrated….

5. The Comedian

Or “How to Go From a Great First Date to Calling in Back-up to Retrieve Your Shit, in Less Than Three Months” Meet for brunch and spend two hours getting tipsy on bottomless mimosas and laughing until you’re nearly in tears. Go bowling, laugh some more, drink at a mall then window shop. Go on…

4. The Runner

This has the potential to be a really long post, probably because my relationship with The Runner lasted longer than any of the other 40 matches, 8 months in total, interspersed with periods of (his) silence. But I don’t want to write, nor do I believe you want to read, a story that long. So…

Left Swipe: A Foolproof Methodology to Ensure Rejection

Let’s pause from the stories of matches that were and spend a few minutes in honor of those that were never meant to be. For those who don’t know, dating apps are primarily visual — 6 or so pictures with a short bio. If you like someone, you swipe right, and if you aren’t interested,…

3. The Rebound

My last post left me naked and abandoned in a hotel room. In addition to me, The Omen had also abandoned a case of beer, a brand new box of condoms, and a pair of his underwear. I’m not ashamed to admit that I took great pleasure in jamming his underwear into the trash can,…

2. The Omen

Remember at the end of “The Opener” when I deleted the dating app? Yeah, well that only lasted a few weeks before boredom and forgetting set in and I reinstalled it. My next match, The Omen, showed up within my distance-based search radius because he was in town for the day for work. He lived…

1. The Opener

Using dating apps to meet people is a singular experience. My utter lack of familiarity with modern dating norms left me feeling out of sorts — my hopes frequently raised only to be quickly dashed. The emotional up-and-down of it all is rather stunning and oddly addictive. You can effectively initiate a connection, ask practical…

The Time Before: An Introduction

I started dating My Ex when I was freshly 18, a naïve virgin who desperately wanted time to hurry up so I could be an adult. I was idealistic, unrealistic, self-conscious, fiercely independent, slyly rebellious, and did I mention naïve? After four years of dating, we got married, and after 11 years of marriage, we…