Get Busy Living

“Get busy living or get busy dying.” (Stephen King) As I mentioned in a recent post, I’ve been lately reminded of the importance of making my time count. Whether I get 40 or 80 years on this earth, I don’t want to leave without having given this life a damn good try. So I’m writing…

The Wonder of It All

I’ve now seen The Match four times in nine days, and I feel like I’m in some kind of alternate reality in which I get what I want but don’t know quite what to do with it. Here, Fortymatches — a handsome, successful, kind, smart, funny, considerate man who’s crazy about you. Have fun!  Errrr…ok. Thanks?…

41. The Match

For the past year and a half, I’ve been grappling with recognizing and embracing my self-worth as it pertains to dating. I’ve posted several times (don’t believe me? read here or here, or here, or even here) about my belief in my own undateability, and you’ve perhaps read along as my doubts played out in…

Old Habits, New Faces

The theme in my life lately has been something along the lines of: don’t make excuses for not doing what you dream of doing — tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Strangely, this same message was playing out for The Leo and factored heavily into his decision to break up with me. Yep, you read that right. He…

A Tidy Ending

I knew it was a bad sign when I got an unscheduled phone call from The Leo at 8:15 on a weeknight. The ‘why’ of our break-up (for real this time, y’all) isn’t that important. In short, I’m in a place where I have more to give (and by extension, more to demand) than he…

Cliffhanger

I haven’t really wanted to write this post because I know it will push me to directly confront some realities I’ve been dancing with for a moment here and there before moving onto something less gloomy. The problem is that cracks are forming in my relationship with The Leo, and they’re causing me to re-examine…

Destiny Shops at Home Depot

Last week, I was on the receiving end of an unexpected act of kindness, promptly followed by the crushing realization that in the battle of destiny vs. altruism, destiny always wins. Let me explain. I needed to buy a glass cover for a light fixture at my rental house — the move-out inspection was fast…

Still Kicking

Let me just say that I’ve missed writing — and by extension, my writing community here. I did manage to get some reading done, though, which is noteworthy because I’ve been in a dry spell for the past six months. I’m reading (listening to, actually, because my life is ridiculous) The Brief Wondrous Life of…

Awkward in the Aisles

A few days ago, I passed The Hermit on a winding two-lane road that I travel several times each day. He drives a big red truck, old but well cared for, and he’s hard to miss. He’d been on my mind lately, as my recent move had edged me just westward enough to require a…

Faithless

When you work at a big church, the week leading up to Easter is hectic. My week has been dedicated to survival, keeping my head down as I work like crazy to make sure everything I’m responsible for is handled well. But I’m taking my first away-from-my-desk lunch all week to write this post because…

New Roots

Back a million years ago, in the early days of my marriage, just before the first time My Ex threw my rose-colored glasses on the ground and stomped on them, he and I bought a house. It was a cute two-story place, sage green with a dark green door, a roof with a whimsical slant,…

My First Guest Post

I’ve been trying for months to get my best friend to write down some of her dating stories for my blog (or perhaps her own some day). A few titles we discussed include “That Time I Almost Slept With An Exotic Dancer,” “Signs That Your Hookup is Not Going Well,” and “An Open Letter to…

The Retired Beggar

I’ve been trying to write this post for the past few days, but my feelings are tangled up in self-preservation. There’s this part of me that doesn’t want to seem like a heartless asshole. Then there’s this other part of me that is, in fact, a heartless asshole. So it’s hard, ya know. I have…

What Would Mario Do?

You may have noticed that I don’t write much about the worlds I navigate outside of dating. And while my choice to focus on just one area of my life limits me as a writer sometimes, I’m driven by a powerful motivator: fear. Fear that increased transparency will jeopardize my anonymity. Fear that the loss…

Wait…What?

About a week and a half ago, I broke up with The Leo. And yesterday, we got back together. Let me explain. TLDR for those who don’t feel like reading the original post: The Leo called me and made it clear that he didn’t want to be “in a relationship.” Nor did he want to…

Pardon the Interruption

So I’m pretty new to this whole blogging thing. I know, I know…way to catch on to a trend when it’s no longer trendy. Par for the course, I suppose. But one of the reasons I started blogging six months ago is because I want to be a legitimate published author one day. Writing a…

The One-Man Hall of Fame

When I recorded the stories that made up The Forty, I wrote mostly from memory, with the benefit of perspective that comes with the passage of time. Now that I’m back in dating land with a renewed sense of intention (though perhaps lacking enthusiasm), writing about dating in real time has me feeling decidedly feisty….

Expedition Day Five: Send Reinforcements (or Alcohol)

I reinstalled Bumble, added Hinge to my repertoire, and at five days in, I’m already feeling decidedly “meh” about all of it. Coupled with an Office Space-caliber case of the Mondays and intermittent rain clouds, my malaise had me moping around on self-pity island for the better part of the day. After I sent a…

Thats Not How it Works

Not being one to sit and wallow, and since I’m pretty much in a permanent state of introspection, I decided to pull my old friend Bumble off the cloud and add a new app, Hinge, to the line-up. My first impression of Hinge is that, by and large, it’s the exact same group of men…

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Back in December, I left a detail out of my story because it was embarrassing, but I want to share it now. It’s still embarrassing, but it illustrates a larger point. A few days before my 36th birthday, I found myself getting broken up with at an Indian restaurant. I had seen it coming, but…