Open

The catharsis of my recent post was intoxicating. I have likely fallen off the radar of any regular readership, if such a thing ever existed, but it doesn’t really matter. So here’s a poem to keep the momentum going. “Open” The part I like least Is my fear of the other side Where grass is…

Unlocking the Door

When I was a kid and spent an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom, my dad would shout through the locked door, “Did you fall in?!” Cute, right? Any extended period of isolation chalked up to calamity rather than choice. A few days ago, I was reminded of this childhood memory when I got…

An Accelerated Case of Self-Discovery

In the past month, I have abandoned at least a half dozen mostly-finished posts now relegated to draft status in perpetuity. The problem is that I keep having these significant mental/emotional revelations, but by the time I start to process one, another comes rolling along. So I’ve opted to condense all of my shit into…

Ante Meridiem

As warm hands Curl around curves and Caution yields to abandon Grind and fill Take it in slow My morning fix **The Match challenged me to write a poem about two of my favorite things. Can you guess what they are?

I Messed Up…

Sigh…it’s high time for that first fight, wouldn’t you say? Before you brace yourself for drama, you should know that our “fight” resembled a somber discussion more than a knock-down-drag-out shout fest. Short story: I fucked up. I did something unthinkingly, inadvertently, carelessly, and it was serious enough to him to warrant bringing it up….

A Dating Blog With No Dating

The danger in having a blog that is largely centered on my dating life is that one day, I will quit dating, leaving me with little to no blog content. And lo and behold, having fallen madly in love with a handsome nerd who makes me unbelievably happy, I now find myself facing the aforementioned…

Balancing Act

The Match met my two younger kids a few days ago. This felt both momentous (to me) and insignificant (to them), for what does it mean to meet yet another adult in their child-centric lives? They waved at him obligingly before running back to what they had been doing before. His child was also there,…

Next Steps and Red Tape

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Usually, writing helps, but I haven’t taken the time to sit down with my prehistoric laptop and do my favorite variety of processing. But here I am at last. With the emotional support of a margarita, a bowl of popcorn, and my favorite Spotify playlist (yep, the…

Sometimes You Just Know

Snapshots from today: 8:15 am: The Match insisted on making me breakfast without any clothes on. I returned the favor and made some naked coffee. 8:45 am: We discussed the necessity of a solidly choreographed first dance “if we ever get married,” then we got real about what we actually wanted (a visit to the…

Treasure Chest

Most of the time… I write to ward off the forgetting, To crystallize the moment, To graffiti the hero With mustache and rabbit ears, For my memory is kinder to me Than I deserve. But sometimes… I write to build monuments, Ineffable, flawed memorials To the sweetly fleeting moments, The trappings of nascent love, For…

Amazon, Diabetes, and Ennui: A Hodgepodge of Thoughts

Thoughts on a variety of things… On the recommendation of fellow blogger Joanna, I recently started watching Fleabag on Amazon. Oh my word, y’all. I don’t watch much tv, and it really takes something special to suck me in. Consider me fully engrossed. When it came to Fleabag’s encounters with men, her rationalizations for her…

The Mystery of Timing in Relationships

“What do you think it is that makes us different?” The Match asks me. We’ve just finished devouring giant slices of cake — lemon for him, coconut for me — at an Italian coffee place in the city, the second stop on a recent summer weeknight date. When I’d shown up earlier that evening to…

Can We Talk?

I fear that my blog will start veering into saccharine territory unless I begin covering topics beyond my relationship with The Match. And I promise that I will do so, but first, a few things relevant to The Forty. When I sensed that things between my new guy and I were rapidly becoming serious, I…

Get Busy Living

“Get busy living or get busy dying.” (Stephen King) As I mentioned in a recent post, I’ve been lately reminded of the importance of making my time count. Whether I get 40 or 80 years on this earth, I don’t want to leave without having given this life a damn good try. So I’m writing…

The Wonder of It All

I’ve now seen The Match four times in nine days, and I feel like I’m in some kind of alternate reality in which I get what I want but don’t know quite what to do with it. Here, Fortymatches — a handsome, successful, kind, smart, funny, considerate man who’s crazy about you. Have fun!  Errrr…ok. Thanks?…

41. The Match

For the past year and a half, I’ve been grappling with recognizing and embracing my self-worth as it pertains to dating. I’ve posted several times (don’t believe me? read here or here, or here, or even here) about my belief in my own undateability, and you’ve perhaps read along as my doubts played out in…

Old Habits, New Faces

The theme in my life lately has been something along the lines of: don’t make excuses for not doing what you dream of doing — tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Strangely, this same message was playing out for The Leo and factored heavily into his decision to break up with me. Yep, you read that right. He…

A Tidy Ending

I knew it was a bad sign when I got an unscheduled phone call from The Leo at 8:15 on a weeknight. The ‘why’ of our break-up (for real this time, y’all) isn’t that important. In short, I’m in a place where I have more to give (and by extension, more to demand) than he…

Cliffhanger

I haven’t really wanted to write this post because I know it will push me to directly confront some realities I’ve been dancing with for a moment here and there before moving onto something less gloomy. The problem is that cracks are forming in my relationship with The Leo, and they’re causing me to re-examine…

Destiny Shops at Home Depot

Last week, I was on the receiving end of an unexpected act of kindness, promptly followed by the crushing realization that in the battle of destiny vs. altruism, destiny always wins. Let me explain. I needed to buy a glass cover for a light fixture at my rental house — the move-out inspection was fast…