Sometimes You Just Know

Snapshots from today: 8:15 am: The Match insisted on making me breakfast without any clothes on. I returned the favor and made some naked coffee. 8:45 am: We discussed the necessity of a solidly choreographed first dance “if we ever get married,” then we got real about what we actually wanted (a visit to the…

Treasure Chest

Most of the time… I write to ward off the forgetting, To crystallize the moment, To graffiti the hero With mustache and rabbit ears, For my memory is kinder to me Than I deserve. But sometimes… I write to build monuments, Ineffable, flawed memorials To the sweetly fleeting moments, The trappings of nascent love, For…

Amazon, Diabetes, and Ennui: A Hodgepodge of Thoughts

Thoughts on a variety of things… On the recommendation of fellow blogger Joanna, I recently started watching Fleabag on Amazon. Oh my word, y’all. I don’t watch much tv, and it really takes something special to suck me in. Consider me fully engrossed. When it came to Fleabag’s encounters with men, her rationalizations for her…

The Mystery of Timing in Relationships

“What do you think it is that makes us different?” The Match asks me. We’ve just finished devouring giant slices of cake — lemon for him, coconut for me — at an Italian coffee place in the city, the second stop on a recent summer weeknight date. When I’d shown up earlier that evening to…

Can We Talk?

I fear that my blog will start veering into saccharine territory unless I begin covering topics beyond my relationship with The Match. And I promise that I will do so, but first, a few things relevant to The Forty. When I sensed that things between my new guy and I were rapidly becoming serious, I…

Get Busy Living

“Get busy living or get busy dying.” (Stephen King) As I mentioned in a recent post, I’ve been lately reminded of the importance of making my time count. Whether I get 40 or 80 years on this earth, I don’t want to leave without having given this life a damn good try. So I’m writing…

The Wonder of It All

I’ve now seen The Match four times in nine days, and I feel like I’m in some kind of alternate reality in which I get what I want but don’t know quite what to do with it. Here, Fortymatches — a handsome, successful, kind, smart, funny, considerate man who’s crazy about you. Have fun!  Errrr…ok. Thanks?…

41. The Match

For the past year and a half, I’ve been grappling with recognizing and embracing my self-worth as it pertains to dating. I’ve posted several times (don’t believe me? read here or here, or here, or even here) about my belief in my own undateability, and you’ve perhaps read along as my doubts played out in…

Old Habits, New Faces

The theme in my life lately has been something along the lines of: don’t make excuses for not doing what you dream of doing — tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Strangely, this same message was playing out for The Leo and factored heavily into his decision to break up with me. Yep, you read that right. He…

A Tidy Ending

I knew it was a bad sign when I got an unscheduled phone call from The Leo at 8:15 on a weeknight. The ‘why’ of our break-up (for real this time, y’all) isn’t that important. In short, I’m in a place where I have more to give (and by extension, more to demand) than he…

Cliffhanger

I haven’t really wanted to write this post because I know it will push me to directly confront some realities I’ve been dancing with for a moment here and there before moving onto something less gloomy. The problem is that cracks are forming in my relationship with The Leo, and they’re causing me to re-examine…

Destiny Shops at Home Depot

Last week, I was on the receiving end of an unexpected act of kindness, promptly followed by the crushing realization that in the battle of destiny vs. altruism, destiny always wins. Let me explain. I needed to buy a glass cover for a light fixture at my rental house — the move-out inspection was fast…

Still Kicking

Let me just say that I’ve missed writing — and by extension, my writing community here. I did manage to get some reading done, though, which is noteworthy because I’ve been in a dry spell for the past six months. I’m reading (listening to, actually, because my life is ridiculous) The Brief Wondrous Life of…

Awkward in the Aisles

A few days ago, I passed The Hermit on a winding two-lane road that I travel several times each day. He drives a big red truck, old but well cared for, and he’s hard to miss. He’d been on my mind lately, as my recent move had edged me just westward enough to require a…

Faithless

When you work at a big church, the week leading up to Easter is hectic. My week has been dedicated to survival, keeping my head down as I work like crazy to make sure everything I’m responsible for is handled well. But I’m taking my first away-from-my-desk lunch all week to write this post because…

New Roots

Back a million years ago, in the early days of my marriage, just before the first time My Ex threw my rose-colored glasses on the ground and stomped on them, he and I bought a house. It was a cute two-story place, sage green with a dark green door, a roof with a whimsical slant,…

My First Guest Post

I’ve been trying for months to get my best friend to write down some of her dating stories for my blog (or perhaps her own some day). A few titles we discussed include “That Time I Almost Slept With An Exotic Dancer,” “Signs That Your Hookup is Not Going Well,” and “An Open Letter to…

The Retired Beggar

I’ve been trying to write this post for the past few days, but my feelings are tangled up in self-preservation. There’s this part of me that doesn’t want to seem like a heartless asshole. Then there’s this other part of me that is, in fact, a heartless asshole. So it’s hard, ya know. I have…

What Would Mario Do?

You may have noticed that I don’t write much about the worlds I navigate outside of dating. And while my choice to focus on just one area of my life limits me as a writer sometimes, I’m driven by a powerful motivator: fear. Fear that increased transparency will jeopardize my anonymity. Fear that the loss…

Wait…What?

About a week and a half ago, I broke up with The Leo. And yesterday, we got back together. Let me explain. TLDR for those who don’t feel like reading the original post: The Leo called me and made it clear that he didn’t want to be “in a relationship.” Nor did he want to…